{"product_id":"cosmic-mission-patch-candle-soy-9oz-space-astronaut-mission-patch","title":"Cosmic Mission Patch Candle, Soy 9oz | Space, Astronaut, Mission Patch","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col gap-4 grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"d241a8cb-2093-410f-bc4b-85deab0e0c38\" data-turn-start-message=\"true\" dir=\"auto\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5-3\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal outline-none keyboard-focused:focus-ring [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-1\" tabindex=\"0\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full wrap-break-word light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"135\" data-end=\"269\"\u003eWelcome to the \u003cstrong data-start=\"150\" data-end=\"192\"\u003eAss Destroyed Rectal Space Club Candle\u003c\/strong\u003e—the only candle specifically engineered for… \u003cem data-start=\"238\" data-end=\"269\"\u003ecatastrophic bathroom events.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"271\" data-end=\"363\"\u003eYou know the situation.\u003cbr data-start=\"294\" data-end=\"297\"\u003eYou went in confident. Brave. Ready.\u003cbr data-start=\"333\" data-end=\"336\"\u003eBut what happened in there?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"365\" data-end=\"425\"\u003e🚨 Classified.\u003cbr data-start=\"379\" data-end=\"382\"\u003e🚨 Unrecoverable.\u003cbr data-start=\"399\" data-end=\"402\"\u003e🚨 Astronomical damage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"427\" data-end=\"501\"\u003eYou didn’t just take a dump…\u003cbr data-start=\"455\" data-end=\"458\"\u003eyou \u003cstrong data-start=\"462\" data-end=\"501\"\u003elaunched a full-scale cosmic event.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"503\" data-end=\"675\"\u003eThat toilet? Ground zero.\u003cbr data-start=\"528\" data-end=\"531\"\u003eThat smell? A black hole of its own.\u003cbr data-start=\"567\" data-end=\"570\"\u003eThat moment when you sit back and rethink your life choices?\u003cbr data-start=\"630\" data-end=\"633\"\u003eYeah… you’ve officially earned your badge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"677\" data-end=\"715\"\u003e🔥 \u003cem data-start=\"680\" data-end=\"715\"\u003eThat’s when you light the candle.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"717\" data-end=\"829\"\u003eInstantly, the room shifts from:\u003cbr\u003e💀 “Something died in here…”\u003cbr data-start=\"778\" data-end=\"781\"\u003eto\u003cbr data-start=\"783\" data-end=\"786\"\u003e✨ “Ah yes… a controlled atmospheric reset.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"831\" data-end=\"870\"\u003eThis candle is your emergency protocol:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"871\" data-end=\"946\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"871\" data-end=\"893\"\u003eMask the aftermath\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"894\" data-end=\"921\"\u003eRestore the environment\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"922\" data-end=\"946\"\u003eReclaim your dignity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"948\" data-end=\"1037\"\u003eBecause in the \u003cstrong data-start=\"963\" data-end=\"979\"\u003eCandle Realm\u003c\/strong\u003e, even the most destructive missions have a recovery plan.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1039\" data-end=\"1079\"\u003eAnd every true member of the club knows:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1081\" data-end=\"1187\"\u003e👉 \u003cem data-start=\"1084\" data-end=\"1130\"\u003eIf you venture too deep… consequences await.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1130\" data-end=\"1133\"\u003e👉 \u003cem data-start=\"1136\" data-end=\"1187\"\u003eBut if you survive… light the candle and move on.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1189\" data-end=\"1252\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1189\" data-end=\"1246\"\u003eAss Destroyed. Mission Complete. Atmosphere Restored.\u003c\/strong\u003e 🕯️🚀\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"z-0 flex min-h-[46px] justify-start\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCosmic mission-patch candle with clean, science-forward graphics that read like an insider emblem for space-curious readers and film fans. The label shows a stylized deep-space scene—rocket, orbital debris, and a mission-ring badge—using high-contrast cosmos blues and orange accents to evoke hard-sci-fi missions without referencing any specific title. Made from natural soy wax with a reusable glass jar, it offers a quietly atmospheric burn while signaling membership in book and science-minded communities. Product features - 100% natural soy wax blend, 100% cotton wick, glass jar - Burning time: 50-60 hours - Reusable glass vessel (cleanable after use) - Compliant with ASTM safety standards - Choose from 12 aromatic scents (same wax color) Care instructions - Keep burning candle within sight. Keep away from children and pets. Never burn the candle near flammable items.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Clean Cotton \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957282010,"sku":"28518042340812577233","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sea Salt + Orchid \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957314778,"sku":"24314533880498544641","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White Sage and Lavender \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957347546,"sku":"54224232278238860796","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Apple Harvest \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957380314,"sku":"15962466392399370998","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cinnamon Vanilla \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957413082,"sku":"25632883469364890966","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Christmas Warmth \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957445850,"sku":"22174134752789419843","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coconut Cream + Cardamom \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957478618,"sku":"18128429023515608250","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Peppered Passionfruit \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957511386,"sku":"28745262216737866898","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Unscented \/ 9oz","offer_id":47713957544154,"sku":"16631151337609613855","price":20.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0797\/1867\/8746\/files\/10133907105807513613_2048.jpg?v=1776725205","url":"https:\/\/fun-gamer-dog-tag-bank-card-stickers.myshopify.com\/products\/cosmic-mission-patch-candle-soy-9oz-space-astronaut-mission-patch","provider":"Dog Tag Stickers\/acandlestore.com","version":"1.0","type":"link"}